Archive for September, 2007

You Smell. Shower.

Wednesday, September 12th, 2007
you-smell-shower

Why do people always tell you that you can’t smell your own stink. That’s just plain wrong. I don’t know about you, but whenever I can smell myself, I want to shower immediately. Partly because I don’t like smelling myself when I smell like shit. Mostly because I have respect for the people around me […]

Read the rest of this crap »

Fighting Darwin

Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
fighting-darwin

There is a common perception that each new generation is to some degree worse off than the previous. There is even a proverb to this effect that goes something like: “The world is going to hell in a hand basket.”  Know why this is true?  We are fighting Darwin.

Read the rest of this crap »

girls-drinking-is-fun-go-get-raped-heres-your-lunchbox

Let me start by saying this is going to piss you off! I don’t care. This is the truth and if you have half a brain you would agree. Ladies and gentlemen drugs and parties are a great way to get laid, willing or not.

Read the rest of this crap »

Automated Hell

Sunday, September 9th, 2007
automated-hell

It seems like some sort of miracle if you call up a business and a person picks up. Usually it’s some sort automated mind game; a stress test if you will. To see just how pissed off you can really get. Almost every automated phone system is different from the next. As if dealing with the boiler room butt holes you […]

Read the rest of this crap »

How to park your car: Lesson 432

Saturday, September 8th, 2007
how-to-park-your-car-lesson-432

This is a very quick and simple lesson:
You don’t need to use your turn signal in a parking lot to indicate which space you’re going to park in (that’s unnecessary) but if you decide to do it anyway (and make yourself look like a total retard in the process) please don’t just sit there for […]

Read the rest of this crap »

Cars Part II (the answer)

Saturday, September 8th, 2007
cars-part-ii-the-answer

Well, excuuuuuuuse ME!! I thought the road belonged to all those other wreckless assholes! What’s that you say? Seventy-five’s not fast enough for you in rush hour? Well by all means go right on the fuck around me. Far be it from me to hold you and your death wish […]

Read the rest of this crap »

Would you like fries with that?

Friday, September 7th, 2007
would-you-like-fries-with-that

No, but how about some customer service. I mean is it really that hard to do what you do? Is it just so hard that there is no time to do things right, or to be polite? If I hear one more fast food fuck-nut talk about how much their job sucks I’m going to […]

Read the rest of this crap »

Cars (and the shitheads that drive them)

Thursday, September 6th, 2007
cars-and-the-shitheads-that-drive-them

Holy shit! Where do I start on this one? With the horrible things people do to their cars in the name of customization, that’s where. Oh, they’re “custom” all right, if by “custom” you mean completely fucked because of all the crap you did to it.

Read the rest of this crap »

Gimmie the Keys Grandma!

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007
gimmie-the-keys-grandma

I’ve lost track of how many times I see old people driving down the wrong side of the road. It’s always a Crown Victoria or some massively large almost “boat like” vehicle killing machine. Either that or a Mini-Van with a crap load of old people in it, usually carpooling to bingo night at the […]

Read the rest of this crap »

Women of Conformity

Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
women-of-conformity

Women! Oy ve’!!! Who are you all really trying to impress with your two closets full of high-dollar clothes, 62 pairs of uncomfortable shoes and designer labels, anyhow?? Is it men? Or is it really each other?? I believe it to be the latter. I mean, come on! The common, everyday straight man couldn’t tell […]

Read the rest of this crap »