Why do people always tell you that you can’t smell your own stink. That’s just plain wrong. I don’t know about you, but whenever I can smell myself, I want to shower immediately. Partly because I don’t like smelling myself when I smell like shit. Mostly because I have respect for the people around me and I’m pretty sure they don’t like the smell of shit either. If you can smell yourself… we can too.

It doesn’t help by spraying body spray or cologne all over yourself either. Now you just smell worse. Not to mention you look dirty. If you don’t shower on a regular basis (daily), people already know you smell and will do whatever they can to avoid being near you.

I shouldn’t have to tell you this. You shouldn’t need someone to follow you around and hold your hand on something so simple. But hey, maybe you just don’t know. In that case, I’m sorry your scumbag parents allowed you to become the “smelly kid”. If they never taught you how to properly wash, follow these simple steps.

7 Simple Steps to Make Sure You Don’t Smell Like Ass

1. Turn on water. Make sure it’s at least warm water.(If you’re a first timer, don’t bother with any cold water. You’ll need boiling to get the stank off.)

2. Step into the shower. (It’s the thing that has the water spraying in it.)

3. Pull the shower curtain closed so you don’t get water getting on the floor. (Also to prevent any of your ass water from getting all over the place.)

4. Wash! Don’t just stand there and rinse. Rinsing won’t get you clean. USE SOAP… and lots of it.

5. Shampoo your hair. Have you ever noticed how when you move your hair it stays there. Yeh… it’s not supposed to do that. You fucking grease ball.

6. Rinse off.

7. Dry yourself with a towel.

Now is a good time to get some other important tasks out of the way. Tasks like BRUSHING YOUR TEETH! If you don’t shower or brush your teeth that only multiplies the stench. Not only does everyone have to nonchalantly hold their breath while you’re near, but now they have to bob and weave while you breathe all over them. It seriously smells like you just ate a shit sandwich.

To all of the people out there that smell (You know who you are), I am not asking much of you. I only ask that you pick up a bar of soap and a toothbrush. If you won’t do these things for yourself, do it for the other self respecting individuals around you.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 12th, 2007 at 6:29 pm and is filed under Random Crap. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.