Well, excuuuuuuuse ME!! I thought the road belonged to all those other wreckless assholes! What’s that you say? Seventy-five’s not fast enough for you in rush hour? Well by all means go right on the fuck around me. Far be it from me to hold you and your death wish for everyone on the highway back. Hey! Pick it up a little and you can probably catch that super-Civic that just went whizzin’ by. Maybe, if you hurry, you two fist-humping dreamers can wreck each other! It’ll save us all some frustration.

And what’s your story Grandma? I see the Q-tip puff of hair and your skeleton-like knuckles on the wheel. What I don’t see is your old ass stepping on the gas pedal! Not for nothing, but all you geriatric-types always have the biggest motors, but the lightest foot. What’s up with that? I’d think at your age you’d have come to the realization that your time is short; do something with what little is left.

You soon-to-be road-pizza assholes on the motorcycles are no better. This is not Le Mans, jerk-weeds. Slow the fuck down or go pay the $25 entry fee at the track if you want to smear yourself on something. I always see you assholes coming from way, way back; and then I wait until you get closer and closer. When you’re finally to my back bumper, I throw on my signal to your lane just to get a sick little kick for myself.

And would you all PLEASE HANG THE FUCK UP AND DRIVE!?!? No texting either, pee-flap. That’s worse!

Now, I’m not one to bitch and bitch without doing anything about what I deem to be your problem(s). Oh, no! I am a man of action. I’m always looking for a better way for things to be done, or for problems to be solved. Yes, sir! I am full of great ideas. I love my current ride, don’t get me wrong, but I’m pretty sure when the day comes to put the trusty `ol Tundra out to pasture that my next vehicle purchase is going to be a used NY State Snow-plow. One of those extra large dump-truck style trucks with an extra-wide plow on it. Most importantly, I’m getting the coveted double wing option. Yeah! That’s right. I’m going to paint it a loud-ass color, and put a skull on the front-most blade with the words “DEATH POD” to warn all those in sight that I mean business and I’m tired of your dumb-ass. And instead of salt or sand in the back, it’s going to be full of roofing nails.

And do you sad-sacks know what I’m gonna do when I get that nasty hate tank back from the paint shop? I’m going to cut a swath through all of the traffic that clogs my daily path, much like a bulldozer through a mountain of kittens. I’m going to cleanse the streets of ignorance, negligence and sheer unadulterated stupidity! I’ll clear three lanes of traffic like Moses did the Red Sea. Look the fuck out all you Johnny Slow-asses doing 55 in the HOV lane! Look out truckload of Mexicans packed fifteen strong into the bed of that F-150, leering at my wife! Look out punk-ass “Fast and the Furious” wanna-be dickwads! Look out Evil Knievel! Daddy’s coming through to the tune of 30,000+ lbs of fury!

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 8th, 2007 at 1:14 am and is filed under WTF!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.