I’ve lost track of how many times I see old people driving down the wrong side of the road. It’s always a Crown Victoria or some massively large almost “boat like” vehicle killing machine. Either that or a Mini-Van with a crap load of old people in it, usually carpooling to bingo night at the church. What’s better then one person who can’t drive behind the wheel? One person who can’t drive with 6 more, who can’t either, telling them how to.
I see one once every couple weeks or so. Hands at 10 and 2, hunched over the steering wheel. That should be a fucking clue. As they’re driving down the wrong side of the road, they always look at you an give you the arthritis riddled fist shake of doom. Like they are really pissed off that you are totally following the rules of the road. Yeh sorry grandma. Waving your fist really isn’t going to stop my 3000 pound vehicle from running your little ass over.
I actually saw someone last week turn into a lane of on coming traffic. He and his wife both were in a mini-van (go figure) at a stop light in front of me. Here’s a thought, if you are at a stop light…waiting… take some time to figure out your game plan before the light turns green.
Hint: Your game plan shouldn’t include turning into on coming traffic.
I am a firm believer that once you turn 60 you have to take the drivers test over every year. Anytime I bring up this topic to someone “old” they always give me the same bullshit response:
“You try taking away something from someone they’ve had their entire life.”
Try telling a mother that her 17 year old kid won’t be coming home today because some 90 year old bag, who shouldn’t have her drivers license to begin with, slams into her on her way to school. (USA Today - Older, dangerous drivers a growing problem)
An eye witness said the driver “mistook the gas pedal for the brake and took off with a jackrabbit start.” There are only 3 kinds of people who mistake the gas pedal for the brake pedal. All of which should not be allowed to drive.
1. Drunk People
2. Old People
3. Ted Kennedy … “err..ah …I mistook the gas pedal for the brake pedal and… ah… then we went into the wuaater.”
It probably will never happen. We will be stuck dodging massively large vehicles with massively old people in them for the rest of eternity. The reason being:
“Old people have voting power!”
Who’s going to vote for someone trying to take away the rights of “Senior Citizens?” Aw c’mon already, you already have the a whole menu devoted to you at Denny’s. It probably wouldn’t make a difference anyways. I was driving down the road the other day on my way to a gas station and had to go around old guy on scooter in the middle of the road. It’s probably easier to dodge one of these and at least he’s using proper hand signals.
(Actual Crappy Cellphone Picture… Seriously.)
Isn’t being Ted Kennedy inclusive of both options 1 and 2 for those who shouldn’t drive? He’s like the political equivalent to “all of the above”.
The Madness
September 4th, 2007
This is true.
Mr. Crapspewer
September 4th, 2007
well said…however… even thought i was extremely pissed at this 200 year old man who was driving so freaking close behind me, his breathe was fogging my back window, it was shear pleasure when we flew into the next lane, sped up next to me made a fist and was shaking it at me with his face scrunched up (oh and let me set the scene–he had a polo shirt on that was brown and 4 sizes too small and these thick black coke bottle glasses that did nothing but make me laugh) when I did laugh it pissed him off even more and he yelled out “bastard”. Now, yes he definatly should NOT have his license as going 60 down a 35mph zone is illegal and I’m not exactly sure how well he could see out of those glasses, but he brought the best humor with him that I have seen in years….
MRS. Crapspewer
September 4th, 2007
Mr. Crapspewer,
It is not nice to pick on our elders. They are from the greatest generation this country has ever seen. They took us through world wars, the great depression and the cold war, just to name a few.
They deserve our respect. That old man was probably a tail gunner in a B-26. Lets see you strap your nuts to one of those bullet magnets and watch your crew shredded by a .50 cal.
Lastly, please remember that old people are frail and weak. As I learned when I kicked that bastard down the stairs.
How you like me now grandpa? Bet you never guessed it be a punk ass like me to finally take you out.
Bet you won’t be boring the young with that “War” story.
HIGH g
September 6th, 2007
Ah yes… I just hung up the phone with someone who needed to change the time of their appointment; she said that her granddaughter brings her to her appointments since her family made her give up her license and her original appointment wasn’t good for her granddaughter. what a nice family for keeping her off the road!
Also— about the picture of the guy on the scooter, why is it that there are always people riding up the james street hill on scooters? i want to run them over with my SUV. And why do some of them smoke while dragging oxygen tanks behind them? They are going to blow up before they make it to the top!
MRS. Crapspewer
September 12th, 2007